


A Synonym For Somber (beta)

by EleanorSmith



Series: A Facet of Infinity [3]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Trauma, Gen, Other, Physical Trauma, gives middle finger to lucas and disney, mental trauma, reader has anxiety, reader is done with this shit, tags will be added as needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25441570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EleanorSmith/pseuds/EleanorSmith
Summary: And when we looked up from the the ashes of the village, we realized the rest of the world had caught fire.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader
Series: A Facet of Infinity [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/491638
Kudos: 3





	A Synonym For Somber (beta)

**Author's Note:**

> This is, like, not what I had intended. I had intended to fall asleep with my stomach in as much pain and pang as it was and wait til Friday to do research and actually build this up. But, in my current state, I was like 'fuck it lol' wrote up a chapter in about two hours, got frustrated when i couldn't find a proper synonym for a title and it was too late for any of my friends to beta the work.
> 
> Here ya go. 3-4 years too late.
> 
> barely proofed btw
> 
> too tired to do much now

You stared up at the smooth and decayed ceiling with annoyance. Once again, consciousness plagued you after another harrowing nightmare--rather, vision. That's what Breha had called them all those years ago, you remembered. Or implied, anyway. A derisive snort escaped your nose as you sat up, knowing full well sleep would not come again without medicine--which you had run out of nearly a week prior.

A laugh escaped your mouth as you swung out of bed, finding humor in 'running' in general.

"What?" A voice asked from across the room. Of course Ben was awake.

"Just humoring about our situation." You respond dryly. As much as you wanted to pin all the blame on him--or, well, most of the blame--you couldn't. They were nearly pawns in the greater game of the Force. That earned you a dry snort as he went back to his datapad and you rolled your eyes.

Grabbing your coat--a coat, it wasn't yours' and don't remember when you'd picked it up--you started for the door.

"Where are you going?" Ben's eyes flicked up in annoyance.

"Out. Obviously," You said flatly, the obvious response. He huffed and started to rise from his chair. "No, no! You stay. Wouldn't want to inconvenience you." Your voice was heavy with venom and he plopped back down, face contorted with anger.

And that was how it had been for...what, years now? The two of you--and occasionally the Broker--jumping from one hide-a-way to another, avoiding literally every faction in the galaxy. Some wanted you dead, others wanted you to lead. You 'noped' out of that as quick as you could after everything that happened, and the former head of the Knights of Ren was on your coattails as you both absconded from view of the galaxy.

Of course, you were shaken from your thoughts when Ben ended up following you out into the equally as decrepit hall of the ruined building.

"By the stars, Ben, what? Are you going to babysit me like you did on the Judgment?" You spat at him, hands on hips. His face flashed a variety of emotions--mostly anger, of course--and his hands clenched. There was a prickling at the back of your neck, the tell-tale sign that he was trying for your thoughts again. If your eyes could roll any more farther back, they'd be back on Khoria.

"Just, stop! You're so frustrating!" The words were biting and the prickling went away, but his anger did not.

"Why are you leaving?" He demanded, and you were reminded of a spoiled toddler.

"I need air, Ben. I had another bad dream. I need to walk and get some fresh air." You explained.

"You need protection." Was his immediate response as his face smoothed--but only just. The anger was pretty much a permanent feature.

He wasn't wrong, but it didn't make it any less annoying. Throwing your hands up in disgust with an accompanying noise, you gave up any pretense of an argument because he was going to follow you anyway.

That was that. You trudged outside into the temperate climate of whatever rim world this was and he followed. Except for the two sets of footfalls, it was quiet and you savored the cool air of the night. The stars were hidden behind a thick veil of clouds and ozone was thick on your tongue. It would rain soon.

"Did you...want to talk about it?" Ben asked from behind you, and you turned, sizing him up. Among other things, his forced empathy and sympathy was something you were trying to get used to. You knew he was trying to be less and less of Kylo Ren and more of someone you didn't know, but he was STILL Kylo Ren. You had no clue why he was trying to be different, and you weren't exactly being nice about it.

There was the salt in the wound about the whole terrorizing you when you were just trying to do your job. And the actual wholesale torture he ordered on you after you became Tahiri's martyr.

"Are you suddenly an expert on dream analysis?" You asked sharply. His face was blank. "Then no, I don't want to talk about it."

"We should head back. Rain is coming." He said after a moment, and you rolled your eyes again.

"Then go. I don't care about getting wet." You marched away from him, and he infuriatingly followed.

When the drizzle started you stopped and spun around.

"What do you want from me, Ben? Why are you here?"

"You need protection."

"No!" You spat. "Why are you /still/ here? Why did you follow me all this way? You have connections to keep you hidden and shit like that! But you followed /me/, of all people," When he didn't respond, you waved a hand in front of his face. "Hell-o!" You dragged out the word. "Ground control to Kylo Ren! You're following around a woman who allegedly helped traitors escape your infallible control and had tortured and--" You cut yourself off, not wanting to think of the very real reason you were on the run. "Why are you here?" Finality. He either answered now or you were done.

"I don't know." His face was blank, eyes lost.

"That's a you problem, rich boy. I'm gonna find a lake to jump and drown in. Take some time to figure yourself out." And you turned and stomped off once again. Blessedly, he did not follow.

\---

The plans he had dissolved as soon as he conjured them when the doors to the interrogation room opened. Her eyes were dark and far away--no, not far away. She wasn't there at all. Skin pale and gaunt, fresh--but healed--wounds dotting what exposed skin there was. Any hope he had for weeding out the cancerous growth in his ranks died. A prisoner so broken might not even be /able/ to be manipulated for the tasks he needed.

This woman was broken, and he recalled Hux's words from their discussion about her. His hand twitched in irritation as he once again tried to delve into her mind, to find the answers to the visions he desperately wanted, to stop this spiral of madness before it had gone to far.

Nothing. Just the static of void from her condition. His teeth clenched behind his mask, mind aflame. How was this possible? Why was she here? Was she responsible for this shift in the Force? Question after question and no forthcoming answers.

"Why do you try so hard to get in?" His eyes focused back on her so suddenly that he was sure they made an audible snap. Her voice was airy, quiet, hollow. The dark eyes looked at him and past him. He was certain if she hadn't been drugged so heavily, she wouldn't have even asked. Kylo knew he knew that much about her. She was an anxious mess, constantly in fear, and never spoke to him unless he scared the answer out of her. This was...very out of character of her.

He shut the door behind him and overrode the security code, then stood next to her, dark eyes following his every movement.

"I need to know if you are a threat to the Order." He answered simply.

A weak laugh escaped her lips and his hand tensed into a fist.

"If you were so concerned, you should have just killed me." She said baldly, closing her eyes. And he knew she had fallen asleep from the cocktail of drugs in her system.

It unnerved him how correct she was. He had been terrified when he first encountered her weeks ago in the war room, a jittery technician summoned by Fel. Her presence was noted even before she had been ushered in to fix the projector he'd destroyed in his outrage, but his anger had nearly overshadowed the void of her presence. He had unabashedly watched her and made her uncomfortable as she did what technicians did.

But her presence scared him, even more so when she had approached the decimated control panel he stood next to. Watched her temples drip with sweat in his presence, fresh burn marks on her face from the wires that flared up from another one of his outbursts. Could she sense him? Was that where the fear stemmed from?

Only after he had left had he realized he'd been unconsciously probing the void she created and nearly been drawn in. It had been intoxicating.

That thought created a chill up his spine.

Every other encounter was him trying to get into her mind or hurt her some way with the Force and every attempt failed.

He sat there, mulling the entire situation over as she dozed. What had possessed him to even pursue this matter? Why was he so afraid of her? It was almost like she was a black hole pulling others towards her. The hidden Force users in their ranks had been pulled to her, too. Her closest friend had been the Veila woman, who was almost attached to the woman's hip, according to the intel of the aftermath he and the rest of the upper echelon were still sifting through.

Maybe it was something far simpler, a primal instinct? A hunger for the unknown? A predator chasing illusive prey.

The chase had ended. He had caught her.

And now, watching her shallow breaths as eyes darted behind eyelids, he had no idea what to do with her.


End file.
